Twin Flame Ghosts

What Happens When Your Twin Flame Ghosts You?

Do you have a twin flame, and they aren’t contacting you or responding to you? Do you wonder if your twin flame is ghosting you?

What is Ghosting?

The first thing to look at is what ghosting means. Ghosting is a new kind of term that people use when someone is dating, and they stop talking to you or answering you without you knowing why.

This is not someone that you want to have in your life and is not someone that you want to have an intimate relationship with.

If you have feelings for someone or if you are with your twin flame and they are ghosting you, this might not be the same thing as when you are dating someone that is not your twin flame.

Twin flames might ghost you even when they don’t want the relationship to end and this doesn’t always mean that they don’t have feelings for you because your twin flame is meant to be part of your energy world.

If you would ask your twin why they keep ignoring you or disappearing on you, they will probably not really even understand why they are doing it. You are the best thing that ever happened to them and even if their behavior is telling you otherwise, they want to be with you and they need you.

Your twin flame is the other part of your soul and you will always be close to this person. The problem is, before you can really be in this relationship, both you and your twin have to heal from the things that are going on inside.

You have to know that if your twin flame begins to ghost you that this is a chance for them to heal and a time for the universe to help them through their struggle. When they come back to you, you will see that they are closer to you than ever before.

Your twin flame will always come back to you because they are meant to be part of your soul. They don’t have a choice to leave you and they will come back to you because they are meant to be with you through eternity.

Even if you feel that your relationship is over, it is only beginning. You cannot stay stuck in your problems and you have to learn to better yourself and to learn to make your life good until they come back to you.

There are some things that you can do so that your relationship will be better, and this kind of thing will work with your twin flame because the relationship is not based on their ego but based on a soul connection.

Some things that you will do will cause your twin flame to ignore you because the relationship is not a normal relationship. You might think that your twin flame is a toxic relationship, or you might be dealing with frustration with them because maybe they haven’t fully grown yet.

Do not let your twin manipulate or control you or else this can cause your life to keep going in circles. Do not let fear come to you and do not let the loss of your twin flame cause you to be afraid because you will never lose them.

Being afraid will not help to raise your vibrations which you need to be strong for your twin flame. Fear is something that causes negativity and lower vibrations in your life. This can cause you to be confused and cause you to act ways that you don’t want to act.

Sending Mean Texts

Do not fall for the idea of sending mean texts or saying mean things. Even if you are upset or mad, your twin flame has left for a reason.

Your twin flame is meant to be with you and if you have expressed your feelings for each other, you still probably haven’t gone through the runner and chaser state. This is a time where one of you will run away for a time and it will be hard for both you and them.

This can cause you to be angry, if they are the runner, and you might want to send them angry texts and say mean things because of the hurt you are feeling. Stop yourself form doing this and learn to be in control.

Heart Strings

Another thing to avoid is sending sad texts. Do not try to get them to come back to you by sending them sad texts. Doing this will only make them stay away from you longer and will not let you heal.

You still have a problem that is there in the relationship and if you send texts that are sad or trying to guilt them, then this will become a problem and you will have a longer wait for them to come back.

If you have a twin flame that is a man, they have a hard time understanding things sometimes and when a woman is sad, it can cause him to withdraw more.

Seducing Him

One thing that you should try to avoid is seducing your partner. Do not let your partner come around you and do not try to take them to bed. Give them time to heal and give them time to have their distance.

The behavior that they have right now will keep them away from you and you need to give them a chance to grow. This doesn’t mean that you should stop contacting them or that you shouldn’t love them, what it means is that you need to let them get over whatever they are going through before you sleep with them again.

Jealousy

Stop trying to make your twin flame jealous. When you post things online or say things or make it look like you are dating someone, it can cause your twin not to respond to you for a while. Your twin is meant to be with you, and they will not ever want anyone more than you.

They know that they are meant to be with you, but they need time to work through things in their life and to figure out what is going on.

When you try to make it look like you want to be with someone else, your twin journey will be harder to reunite. If your twin is with someone else, give them a chance to learn that they are wrong and give them time to figure out that you are the perfect one.

Ignoring Them

When you ignore your twin flame it will cause them to feel that they are losing you. This will cause them to feel that you are not interested in them.

Do not play games with your twin. This can cause you to show conditional love instead of unconditional love that you will need to show for your twin. It will also cause you to feel unloved in the end and it is an ego thing that you are trying to control.

Maybe your twin is ignoring you, but this is because they are trying to fight against your energy. This can be because of something in their past life or something in yours.

If you are in the runner and chaser stage, you will see that you have to work through this and you have to let your twin work through it so that you can find real love with each other.

Life is different for everyone and it is very important that you try to make sure that you are kind and loving when you find your twin flame and that you do not let your emotions be in control.

Making Ultimatums

Do not try to make ultimatums to keep your twin flame. This will never work for you and when you do this and you set boundaries, you cause the relationship to be controlling.

You will not get your way when you do this, and it will cause your twin flame to feel controlled and make them want to get away form you. This will cause there to be much frustration and cause there to be problems working out the situation.

A twin flame union will happen when the universe says it is time and not when you think the time is right or when you want things to happen.

Forcing Their Hand

Trying to force your twin flame to contact you will only cause them to contact you less. Let them reach out to you when they are ready.

Being afraid of losing them is something that we will all face at some time and it is something that we have to work through. One thing is that when you engage in behaviors that are negative, it will cause there to be a circle of bad times in your relationship.

When love is fear based, it is an energy that is negative, and it can cause there to be feelings that take so long to heal. Stop letting negative behavior control you and if you are trying to stop your twin from running, figure out what is going on and see how your past life is affecting your relationship.

Contact a psychic and get your Akashic records reading and see if this is what is keeping your twin flame union from working.

Learn to send out light and love to your twin flame and allow your journey to be a divine journey that helps you to stay protected and strong.

Get Rid of Soul Contracts

How to Get Rid of Soul Contracts

It is important to know what kind of soul contract that you have with people. You can have soul contracts with just about anyone including your family, friends or even strangers.

Soul contracts are connections that are there to help people to grow and to find unconditional love for others. If you can learn to understand your soul contracts, you can have better relationships.

Some soul contracts are not fun, and they are there so that you can learn your lesson and you can grow. These contracts can block your way because you are learning, and they can be very hard and painful. Some people are not successful, nor can they find love because of the soul contracts that they have.

Known Soul Contracts

There are some soul contracts that people will know but some that others do not recognize. Here are some soul contracts that are very known:

Martyrdom

Do you have a hard time saying no and you are always saying yes to others? Do you put your own needs away to help others? If you do this, it can leave you feeling used and tired. When you are always sacrificing yourself to make others happy it can cause you to be aggravated in your life.

This is a soul contract that can be painful. When you break this soul contract, you can learn to say no when you need to, and you will learn to care more for yourself while still being kind to others. Life has to have a balance.

Loyalty

When you have a loyalty soul contract it can be with your family, friends, or your lover. This means that they can treat you anyway that they want but you will still be there for them.

This kind of soul contract can cause you to be used and abused by people that should love you. You may even try to leave the relationship, but you cannot do it because you are afraid of leaving them.

When you let go of this kind of soul contract, you can improve who you are and make better relationship choices. This can mean leaving your job or leaving your relationships.

Loneliness

Are you someone that is always looking for love? Have you had many failed relationships? Maybe you have tried different things and still cannot find love. Having a soul contract of loneliness can be hard on you.

Even when you find someone that you love, you might still feel lonely and this can cause the relationship to fail. Once you get rid of this contract you can find the love and support that you deserve.

Anxiety

Some people are always worried about things and nervous. Chances are that they have a soul contract with anxiety. Learn to let go of your worry and find that you can trust yourself and know what is going on in your future without having to worry about it.

Fear

Do you feel afraid of things even small things such as talking to someone in public? We all have this trait at times to keep us protected but if it is getting out of control, you probably have a soul contract. You need to open up about this and get rid of your fear.

Releasing Soul Contracts

Breaking a soul contract is not easy and you have to understand how these things work.  The point of this contract was to serve you at some point, and you have to understand why you got in this contract from the beginning.

When you learn to be aware of your soul contracts, your mind will be clearer and you will be able to take time to decide how you want to handle the contract. You will soon see that it is affecting everything in your life. You have to learn to release this and you can do this by journaling or automatic writing.

There are different ways that you can get rid of a soul contract and some people have better success with different things than others. The biggest thing is to be aware of your soul contract and then to take action to get rid of it.

Earth Angels and Relationship

Earth Angels and Relationship

Lightworkers, Earth angels, empaths and other people are drawn to helping others and sometimes they have a hard time working through their heart because of how strong and trying their work can be.

Most people in these fields wonder why even though they are so kind and caring, patient and even loving that they find themselves in the same situation, over and over again, having bad relationships or being heartbroken.

These people are very smart and the most important thing about them is how beautiful of a soul they have. They know the things that they want and they know who they want but for some reason, they seem to feel destined to live a life that is not worthy and one that is not what they want at all.

Those that work in the service field in the psychic realm such as lightworkers and Earth angels will often come to a place where they see their life person but they have to learn to let their heart work through things, sometimes over and over again.

Relationships with people can be complicated and these people have to learn to plan a way to stop themselves from getting hurt. The first area that has to change is being willing to face yourself. You can practice this by looking in the mirror and repeating this:

“I am responsible. I am allowing myself to be a part of people and their situations even if they do not have my best interests and the well-being of my heart in mind.”

Then, after facing this, these people have to set boundaries. For the Earth Angel, this is like withdrawing form something because it changes the way they see the purpose of their life. It is what they do, and they are there for someone rather it is night or day and always available.

The thing is, when you do not have boundaries, it can cause people to stretch and use you. They will keep stretching you until you are not able to go back to who you are or to be able to help them because you are stretched too thin. You need to repeat this to yourself:

“I will set boundaries. I will say no when I need to take care of myself.”

When you have finally had enough and you really need time with yourself to recoup your energy and your mind, you can say that something is cancelled or say that you cannot make it that day. If you need a break from your partner, tell them you need to cancel the date today. Or, if you need to spend some time by yourself that day, tell them that they need to get someone else to help them that day.

Learn to do things for yourself to give your mind and your body a break.

There are things that you can do to break the habit of always giving in to people such as setting your own rules. Learn to live your life for you sometimes. This does not have to be all the time and every time, just sometimes.

Once you feel better and you are stronger and you are where you are meant to be, start helping others again. Never allow people to walk all over you or to use you. This was not the intention of the universe.

Having the gift of a lightworker or an Earth Angel is a great gift, but the universe expects this gift to help you along your journey just as much as you are helping others along their journey. Learn to embrace these feelings and learn to embrace your happiness and your life.

Partner and Soulmates

Partner and Soulmates

When you think you have found the one and you think they are your soulmate it might make you feel like you are perfect to be together and it is destiny. The problem is that when you mention soulmates, your partner lets you know that he does not believe in soulmates and you wonder if the relationship is really going to work out or not.

What is a Soulmate

A soulmate is believed by many to be someone that is perfect for you and they are supposed to be perfect with your ideas and they trust and love you. The bond is supposed to be strong and they are supposed to be engaged with you in your sexuality and they are supposed to have the same morals and goals with you.

A soulmate will be there to support the dreams that you have and to give you comfort when you are together. Your relationship feels right, and you believe that they understand you like no one else does.

Perfect

A soulmate is not perfect, no one is. They have problems in their life, but they are meant to grow with you and face challenges with you. They will have emotions that need healing and they will be there to figure out their journey with you. The soul connection can last over many different lifetimes.

Multiple?

In your past, you might have had many different relationships from your previous lives. You will have more than one soulmate and if you have someone that you thought was the only one, do not be upset. Someone else will come and connect with you when the time is right.

Partner

If you are with a partner that does not believe in soulmates, let them deal with that on their own. What they believe does not affect what you believe but if you feel that you cannot deal with someone that does not have the same spiritual connection that you have, you might want to reconsider your relationship.

Ask them what they believe a soulmate is, maybe they just have a different idea of what a soulmate is. You and they are both going to be a whole and it is important to know what they think about your relationship and what a bond they think that you have. Some people see this bond as a different name, so it is important to ask them.

Spiritual Ideas

Dig deeper into what they believe and if you share the same religion, this might be a problem but if you are of different religions, you need to learn to decide if you respect their religion and you let them live their way and you yours or if you need to move on. Do they put love and family first or do they have other priorities?

What is their respect of living things?  Do they love all living things? Are they compassionate with others? Do they want the world to be a peace? Everyone has some kind of belief in the higher power, so what do they believe?

Whatever different ideas you have, find out if your partner shares them, if they do, you have to ask yourself if their soulmate belief really matters to you or not.

Listen to your intuition and let it guide you as to what you should do next.

Soulmate Attractions

Soulmate Attractions

When you want to be with someone and you find yourself wishing you were in love, chances are you are stuck.  When you go after things, you are reaching for energies and you are moving forward.  The energies that you have will come with ideas and intentions and you will have a lot or a little outcome.

When the outcome is little, you will wonder if you can get things to work for you.  You will wonder what you need in order to attract someone.  If you want to attract a soulmate and nothing has happened, it can leave you feeling doubtful and down.

Here are some things that you can do to turn your desires into attraction.  Remember, there are different types of energies that people carry around and these are those finding their soulmate.

Some have energies that are loud, and they want to know who their soulmate is and want to let people know they are searching.  They talk about it and they carry the energy outward and it is a heightened state that they are in.  They will keep being occupied with their soulmate but are getting nowhere.

They think that if they hope for something hard enough that it will happen but that is not how it works.  This is a state that they are in of lacking power and being helpless.  They have a choice to get over this place and to move on with love.

Soulmates are a part of our soul and our soul is the highest vibrational thing that we have.  We carry it around with us and we have power to love and to have wisdom.  Our soul’s energy is always there and when it is ready, it will get things ready for us and it will match us and get things done.

When we listen to what our soul is saying, something with our energy changes and it makes us more attractive.  It is our heart and life and our soul, and it is a silent thing that allows us to have wants and needs.  This is divine intention and attracts us to a deeper purpose.

When we are ready, our soul does these things:

  • Fills us-our soul will have a place for love that is already there. It will come each day and our soul is attracting to someone that is full.  You can attract by being full of love and letting this deep inside of you.
  • Open-when our heart is open it shows the joy of love. When we are looking and trusting for love to come, it will be big, and it will come to us.
  • Knowing-when our soul is knowing, it means that it is ready to have someone come. Our mindfulness of our thoughts will allow us to experience true love and be happy.

When the soul cares for you, which is always, it allows us to have deep intentions.  The soul has powerful vibrations and that is what you need to have a soulmate.

Learn to be patient and to practice being kind and loving to others.  Allow your soul to let other people in and love them like no other.  When your soul is ready, your soulmate will come, and they will see you for who you really are.

You can practice now and when you do, make sure that you keep your energies up.  Energies that are low mean that you are in a state of longing and you have to get out of this because it takes away your powers.  Your destiny is to love, and you have to have your powers strong and ready in order for your soul to call this love into your life.

Believing in Soulmates

Believing in Soulmates

The soulmate is the one person that will give you enough love so that your soul can meet them and work out the emotional situations that will bring the awakening of the self.

If you believe in a soulmate, you should know that many people have many different ideas on a soulmate and what their purpose is.

There are different perspectives on how a soulmate relationship will go and so it is important to be aware of what you believe that a soulmate’s purpose is.  The way that you relate to your soulmate will deal with how you feel and act in your relationship.  If you understand your beliefs and the perspective that you have on this type of relationship, you will understand what kind of relationship that you want to have in this journey.  Your soulmate will impact your life and so you need to understand what having a soulmate means.

Match

A soulmate is someone that is your perfect match.  No matter how strong your thoughts or your emotions are, your soulmate will match your personality and when you face conflict, it will be something you can handle together.

Promises

A soulmate will give you a promise to always love you and to love you unconditionally.  They will make promises to you and no matter what kind of faults they have; you will overlook them because you will know that the universe sent this soulmate to you.

Your spouse is always going to be your other half and will complete you.  That is also what the purpose of a soulmate is for.

If you believe in bashert, it means that you have a union that is supported by the universe.  This gives people that believe this meaning in their relationship.  This can cause the energies to come alive and bring a connection bigger than life.

When you believe in things, it causes your values and your thoughts to be guarded.  It allows you to figure out how you should act and how you place your values on what you should do in your relationship.

Always There

Your soulmate will always be there.  They might come in the form of a family member, a lover or even a best friend.  Maybe you will marry them and have kids together.  You will be challenged.

When people are together, they focus on their journey and they move through life together to create a greater relationship.  They will have a perfect match in their soulmate and their soulmate will travel with them and fit them perfectly.

Many people feel that if you have a soulmate, you will only know after your third or fourth date, but the truth is, the important thing is if you have someone that will travel through life with you and will move together with you into love and happiness.

Perfect Fit

People believe that a soulmate is the perfect fit and what everyone wants in their life.  The truth is, the soulmate is the person that mirrors your soul and shows you exactly who you are.  They will show you that your life can change for the better and they will be the most important person in your life.

They will help you to tear down walls that you have built and will be there when they are needed, even if that is not forever.

Most of the time, with a soulmate comes pain.  You will come together with someone that could be form your past and they will make you tender and vulnerable.

A soulmate relationship is limited and will not be a forever ordeal.  They will come and change us and allow us to see things form a different point of view.  They will bring heartbreak and pain with them and even during times of happiness, life will not be easy.

When the relationship ends, it was and will never be a failure, but it is a completion of your test and another step closer to a perfect life.

Pain

A soulmate relationship is not easy, and it will evoke pain and emotions.  You and your soulmate have free will and so when you are growing together, you are learning how to live and what each individual will have for you.  When you have free will, you will possibly have an intimate relationship and you will learn a lesson.  Things might be hard, but they will help you to grow.

You may end up lonely or have sexual chemistry, things can go different ways.  Maybe you will spend a period of time loving them and a period of time being hurt by them.  You will become a better person because of them and will become compassionate and kind.  You will love until love finds another path and that is how a soulmate works.

Soulmates are there when things are easy and when they are hard.  There are no set rules with them, and you have to know and understand what you believe your soulmate is.  Know what you believe and see how this works for your life.

Releasing Soul Contracts

Releasing Soul Contracts

Soul contracts can be created between loving people that create a growth and transformation that helps you learn unconditional love. People often want to seek out the soul contract in their lives so they are able to create a successful relationship with the family member or partner in their lives.

Unfortunately, soul contracts can be negative when they are blocking people from reaching their dreams, finding a friend, enjoying a marriage, or even being successful in a business situation. This can easily become confusing and disheartening as someone wants to move forward in an area, but a soul contract is impeding movement.

There are several soul contracts that people are often unaware of in their lives that have been shared and how to actively break these contracts if they are holding you back in some area of life.

Martyrdom

When you have a soul contract of martyrdom, you may find yourself saying “yes” much more than “no”. This is true even if you are overly busy or do not really want to help with something. You will likely feel like your own needs require sacrifice in order to avoid ever being called selfish. This can likely leave you feeling frustrate, unappreciated, tired and drained over time. This is a martyrdom soul contract and can be horrible. Even once it is broken you will help others, but you will be more balance in the decisions of what to do.

Loyalty

Loyalty soul contracts are those that cause you to stand by a lover, friend, parent, or even boss regardless of how you are treated. Loyalty contracts get people into situations in which they are treated as doormats or feel helpless when trying to make a change. They do not want to abandon the other person, but may also be miserable. When this type of contract is released, the desired changes will be easier, even if you have avoided leaving for many years. The hold that you may not have been aware of will seem to disappear.

Loneliness

If you have spent your life lonely, but always searching for a soulmate, then you may have a soul contract for loneliness. Even if you have been in relationships, but they ended in failure for whatever reason, it could be a loneliness contract that is causing issues. When the soul is stuck in this agreement, even when you are with someone amazing, loneliness can be overwhelming. Once the contract is released, you will be able to feel the love and support from those in your life.

Anxiety

If your state of being is trending toward constant nervousness, anxiety, and worry, then you may have an anxiety contract. This could be general anxiety or worry about specifics like finances, work, or any other area. While part of this is human nature, it can also be due to a soul contract from a past life. Perhaps this contract was first made so nothing would take you by surprise in life. When this contract is ended, your intuition will be heightened and you can better trust your gut. This will make for a better life overall.

Rocking the Boat

Some people commit themselves to never standing out or rocking the boat. It is a form of protection from the world. This type of contract makes it harder to build a company, write a book, or even become expert level at anything. You must be able to stand out in order to do these types of things. When this type of contract is released, new pathways will open up. Your work may be highlighted and life will propel forward.

Releasing and Clearing Contracts

So, if you have determined that you are against an unwanted soul contract, there are ways that most can be broken. The first step is understanding both how the contract has helped and hindered you in life so that it can be removed.

Then, by aware of where this contract is most present and problematic in your life. Document these behaviors so you know where this affects you most. As this is recognized, clarity will be gained. In those moments that give you pause about a situation; you also have the opportunity to change your normal behavior. Over time this gets easier. This can lead to journaling that can further the breaking of the contract. This is a process that will take time and work on your part. When it starts it will be one of the most empowering things you can imagine.

Things I've Learned from My Ex

Things I’ve Learned from My Ex

Honesty needs to be the foundation of every relationship.

It’s possible to love somebody even if they’re acting like an ass.

You can desire to be with somebody, even if you know that’s not what’s best for you.

Someone can love you and still be a liar, a cheater and a thief.

Your response to others’ crummy behavior is up to you.

People will leave even if you think things are going well.

You need to understand that it’s not possible to truly know somebody else.

When somebody shows you who they truly are, you need to trust what you saw and to act accordingly.

It’s possible to love a bad person.

It’s up to you to seek and hear the truth.

You have to stand up for your own hopes and dreams. If somebody loves you, they’ll support you.

You are worthy of love.

You are worthy of being respected.

If somebody hurts you so much that you can’t breathe, realize that it’s time to breathe.

Somebody can walk out of your life just as easily as they walked in.

If somebody isn’t with you, it’s because they really don’t want to be with you. There are no exceptions.

The ability to forgive is a divine gift.

If somebody leaves you, it’s okay to still love them.

If somebody leaves you, it’s okay to hate them.

Allow yourself to cry over the little things.

Don’t let anybody tell you that you should get over it.

Make the choice, when you’re ready, to dream about your new life.

Rest assured that you did what was right. Unless you didn’t do what was right. Either way, it’s time forgive yourself and to move on.

The reason your ex left isn’t because of who you truly are.

You will be able to love again.

Even if you’re afraid, keep your heart open.

Stay in the game. Don’t run away. You’ll be thankful you did.

Don’t give up. Try, try, try.

It doesn’t matter if you weren’t loved back like you loved. They’re not you, so they couldn’t.

When somebody treats you badly, walk away.

When your heart breaks, you are its best repair person. Don’t rely on another person to fix it.

You brought the love you felt into the relationship.

Most of us have loved the wrong person. Life will go on.

If somebody says they don’t want you, you need to accept the truth of what they said.

You’ll always have reasons to live if you focus on you.

When you’re dying of a broken heart, let yourself cry about it.

Put all your photos away and don’t look at them.

Always strive to take the high road. If you slip back down to the lower road, seek forgiveness and go back to the high road.

Their family isn’t your family. The loss will hurt. But your family is still your family.

The more shocking somebody’s behavior is, the better reasons to leave or to be glad that they left.

They didn’t leave you for a perfect life. They still have problems and issues. They didn’t become a better person when they left you.

You will be happy again. This is a universal truth.

Know yourself better. This will bring about a better life, and maybe even a new love.

Don’t stop breathing.

Talk to yourself about your ex until you’re tired of hearing about your ex.

Your love lives on inside you. This may be painful, but it is still beautiful.

Be open. Accept and say “yes” to new things.

It’s okay to plan revenge against your ex. Just don’t act on them.

Write angry and hurtful letters to your ex. But don’t send them.

Take care of yourself. Sleep and eat.

Remember that you will make it.

You’re stronger than you realize you are.

Life goes on all around you and wants you to jump back in.

A lost love might lead you to a greater love.

Dealing with a Cheater

Dealing with a Cheater

If you’ve been through the shock of discovering that your partner had an affair during your long-term romantic relationship or marriage, you’re not alone. Many others, have also endured this shock. I have, too.

Rationally, we understand that our “ex” isn’t part of our life anymore. But the ordeal can fracture our ego and mess up our emotions. And the mental anguish doesn’t fit in with logic!

On some levels, we know we’re wasting our time going over and over the details, asking ourselves why we didn’t know that the affair was going on, how they could lie to us when we asked if there was someone else, or how they could say that they loved, or how they actively made plans for a future together.

I think that the main reason we feel this deep level of hurt is that we experience what I call “Fairy-tale Recall:” we recall only the good times from the relationship. But at the same time, we’re shocked that we were lied to, and overcome with the concept that our former partner is in love with somebody else. It’s no surprise we feel so bad!

Here are some things I found helpful while going through the trauma. I’m sharing it in the hope that you find them helpful, too. Feel free to add to the list or to share your own story in the comments section after the post.

  1. Don’t seek revenge.

Don't seek revengeThink through, journal about and discuss, but don’t act out. The first thing many people want to do is to tell their ex that they were no-good, lying scoundrels. While that’s okay, actually doing this would reflect badly on you and harm your self image. So steer yourself away from actions like this. You generally don’t need to let everyone else know. Chances are, people already are aware of your ex’s character flaws–the narcissism, cheating, disrespect and broken friendships, strained professional relationships and “secret” romantic liaisons are likely already known by others.

  1. Don’t dig for the dirty details.

Don’t waste your time playing detective in search of all the dirty details. Researching your ex like this might add insult to your injured sense of self. You’re already suffering enough. Totally ban, or at least greatly limit yourself, from combing through your ex’s social media updates about the person they cheated on you with. Your ex may look like royalty there. But you know the magic won’t continue forever.

  1. Don’t accept blame.

Don’t allow your ex to place all of the blame on you. If you remain in contact with your ex, or have heard that they’re blamed you for their actions, remind yourself that cheating is a choice. Your ex could have discussed separation or divorce, offered to go to marriage counseling, or chose other respectful, decent courses of action. You did not cause them to be a lying cheater. That choice was made by your ex.

  1. Self Care

Take care of yourself. Spend time working on you. Join a relationship or divorce support group. Consider seeing a counselor or therapist to help you work through your loss, and to re-build your self-esteem. Go to the gym. Take a yoga class. Learn how to meditate. Take that bucket-list trip that you’ve been procrastinating about.

If you find self-help books are helpful, read them. If you think you need therapy, seek it. Care for your broken heart so you have closure and can move forward.

  1. Remember

Remind yourself often that you will get through this, and through the process you will become a wiser and better person.

In closing, it’s important to know in our minds and our hearts that every experience in our lives is a learning experience. Even in a broken relationship, we’re intended to learn something positive to incorporate into our life’s journey.

Eventually, you will feel gratitude about the relationship. You may even feel so secure in your closure that you can be on friendly terms with your ex. However, it’s okay for now to feel the hurt, the pain, and the anger. It will pass.

Please leave any of your own stories, comments, or tips that you think might serve the good of other readers.

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Healthy Endings to Relationships

A Helpful How-To: Healthy Endings to Relationships

People who are able to be open and feel compassion and love towards our former partners are in for a great reward. You’ll be able to feel deep self-love; a sense of closure, and will grow in the future so you can experience loving, healthy relationships.

Here are some things you can do to work towards this goal. I developed this list as I went through an ending of my own.

  1. Be kind to yourself and to your ex even if they’re acting with a mean spirit.
  2. Always be honest with yourself and with your ex.
  3. Be a true friend to your ex, even if your ex doesn’t reciprocate.
  4. Remember the beauty that was in the relationship
  5. Listen to your ex’s pain, even if it hurts you to do so.
  6. Understand that you might be causing pain.
  7. Let yourself feel your hurts.
  8. Work at feeling compassion for the person that hurt you. They’re human, too.
  9. Know that you’re not a mistake.
  10. If you hurt your ex, apologize. Then apologize again.
  11. Examine your role in the relationship and its ending.
  12. Discover yourself. Delve deeply within. Seek counseling if you need help doing this.
  13. Always choose the high road.
  14. Put yourself first, even if this means you need to leave the relationship.
  15. Don’t let the ex return to you if they haven’t truly changed. If they haven’t yet, they won’t.

In closing, strive to forgive, to release, and to remember.