Do you have fears that you need help to overcome? Are you getting ready to sing “The Star Spangled Banner” at a sporting event? Are you trying to convince somebody else of your skills? Are you planning to ask your boss for a raise? Are you preparing to end a long-term relationship?
I’ve used this easy, four-step exercise and have found it helpful when I’m trying to summon enough courage to overcome my own fears. This method will allow you to be your own inspiration so you can overcome your fears.
It’s been effective not only for me, but for others as well. A successful male speaker I know regularly uses this method to overcome his paralyzing fear of public speaking in front of a crowds of thousands of people. Another person I know uses this method not only before, but also during meetings with intimidating corporate representatives.
- Close your eyes and relax. Imagine that you’re with a person who’s always been supportive of you. This person has always had your back, was kind and loyal to you, and was an advocate for your happiness and success.
If you’re currently experiencing a really tough time, you might need to search your memory to recall family members or best friends from the past who were there for you and supported of your desires, your hopes and your dreams, and was always there for you no matter what was happening. Remember, this could be somebody who died. They are still available to you in spirit and for exercises like this one.
It’s fine if you feel more comfortable with creating a person or a team in your imagination to be this endorsing, supportive advocate. It doesn’t have to be a person who’s been physically present in your life.
- Once you have the person or team firmly fixed in your mind, take notice of how deeply they genuinely care about you, and how much you appreciate their support. Feel their support and their love, and appreciate the roles you played in each others’ lives.
- While still visualizing your support person, place your right hand over your left hand. Lightly squeeze your left hand. Imagine the squeeze is from your supportive person, as they show you the love, encouragement and comfort you know they always provide for you when you face a difficult situations and fears.
- Visualize yourself overcoming the situation you’re afraid of handling or facing. Then slightly squeeze your left hand again as a physical reminder of your support team.
This exercise summons and rallies the spirits of people who love you and who support you whatever the outcomes of the situations you face.
Your supporters can be with you at any time. All you need to do is simply squeeze your left hand with a right hand. You can do this in a stadium full of people, or alone in your office as you contemplate meeting with your supervisor, or in your kitchen as you prepare to inform your partner that you’re leaving the relationship.
Lots of people have found this excercise an effective way to help them elevate their confidence and to reduce the fear they feel in difficult situations. I hope it helps you, too.
I’m eager to hear how this works for you. Tell me your story in the comments section below!
Think through, journal about and discuss, but don’t act out. The first thing many people want to do is to tell their ex that they were no-good, lying scoundrels. While that’s okay, actually doing this would reflect badly on you and harm your self image. So steer yourself away from actions like this. You generally don’t need to let everyone else know. Chances are, people already are aware of your ex’s character flaws–the narcissism, cheating, disrespect and broken friendships, strained professional relationships and “secret” romantic liaisons are likely already known by others.